The Sin of Sloth
Scientists are patient people. They will wait months or even years for experimental results. But researchers at Jena University in Germany have finally snapped and fired the most uncooperative research-subject-cum-enemy-of-science they have ever known: Mats the sloth. Scientists have spent three years trying, in vain, to coax Mats up and down a pole so they could study his locomotion. (In a method of travel unknown to the rest of the animal kingdom, sloths hang from a branch by their claws and move down headfirst.) The researchers hoped to see Mats in action, and they tried to tempt him down the pole with pasta and boiled eggs—treats fit for a sloth king—but Mats literally would not pull his weight in the experiment. "He wasn't remotely interested in furthering science," said university spokesman Axel Burchardt. Since Mats is apparently unfit for the glorious life of an intellectual, he has been excommunicated to a zoo in Duisburg, where he will be expected to father little sloths. Hopefully the lady sloths at the zoo aren't looking for an exhilarating thrill-ride.
Advertisement
Sober Alcoholics
Alcoholism isn't funny. Neither are alcoholics. According to a study recently published in the journal Addiction, alcoholics don't process humor as well as non-alcoholics. Researchers examined 29 recovering alcoholic patients and 29 healthy controls who were comparable in IQ, gender, and age. They were asked to choose punchlines for jokes, some of which were funnier than others. For example:
It was Mother's Day. Anna and her brother had told their mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait she finally went downstairs. Anna and her brother were both eating at the table.
The subjects could select from the following:
a) Anna said: "Hi mom, we didn't expect you to be awake so early."
b) Anna picked up an egg and smashed it on her brothers head.
c) Her brother said: "We have a new teacher at our school."
d) Anna said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."
92 percent of the people in the healthy group chose d, the correct punchline, but only 68 percent of the alcoholics picked out the right ending for this knee-slapper. The researchers suggest that deficits in the working memory and mentalizing ability of the alcoholics may have decreased the alcoholics' capacity to understand jokes and be tickled by them. They didn't seem to consider that they might just be really, really into slapstick.
Head Case
This week, a 27-month investigation of suspected brain harvesting by the Stanley Institute ended without any charges filed against the Stanley Institute, founder E. Fuller Torrey, or state funeral inspector Matthew Cyr. Cyr, who works in Maine's medical examiner's office, was paid over $150,000 to collect brains for research on schizophrenia and bipolar disorder; between 1999 and 2003 he sent at least 99 brains to the Institute. But some relatives of those who once housed the brains in question have said they never consented to the donation. Those under investigation have said they did not break any laws in obtaining the brains, but some families of the donors say they only consented to give away small amounts of tissue. Some say they had no idea their loved one's brain was going to be donated at all, and several families only found out that the brains had been given to science because of the investigation. While the researchers have escaped criminal charges, the families have filed 17 civil suits so they may be compensated for the brain drain.